Thursday, September 14, 2017

That proud moment...

...when your work is chosen to showcase an international group exhibition.


My pikkie's on the left.

See the exhibition online here:
[link opens in new tab/window]

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

About three films and my lack of English

Saw Terry Gilliam's BRAZIL at an arty cinema last night - not seen it on the big screen before.
It is astonishing. An absolute cinematic masterpiece. Just brilliant.

I first saw it on TV back in 87 or so, when my English was practically super-limited/ non-existent. And yet - how captivating it was despite the confusion (and some people who speak fluent English find the film confusing anyway)!!!

And it occurred to me that 3 of my favourite films ever - I saw as a boy with little to no English: BRAZIL, David Lynch's DUNE, and Ridley Scott's BLADE RUNNER.

There are many other films I saw as a boy-with-no-English, but these three were somehow very special in my head: there was something important happening on the screen in each one that I knew I had to revisit once I mastered the Queen's own vocab.

And I wasn't disappointed (even if you think DUNE is goofy). Is it their dream-like qualities? I mean they're all very visual films but the visuals DO NOT help you follow or decipher the story. I think it was the incredible confusion that had me coming back - why ARE these films so strange? They're not cops-and-robbers films, or soldier films or comedies... I knew that much.

I have no message or conclusion here, just an observation about how three amazing films - despite my utter lack of understanding of them - have managed to stay with me for life - and become my favourites - oh and how they did not disappoint once I did kapish.

You get what I'm saying?

Monday, September 4, 2017

Melbourne Kollage Ultra

So I/ we am starting a COLLAGE COLLECTIVE, a sort of "cool kids club" for collage makers and lovers. It'll be top shelf madness and life-changing and so on, and hey!, look a flyer:

If you're interested in any way shape or form, have questions etc:

facebook event:


Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Collaboration with Devin Townsend?


... is what I would screech Devin-style if the headline were true - but this is the Internet chums, so EVERYTHING is true.

More precisely - according to this website:
(click the link or just scope the screenshot below)

Exhibit A

Devin has written the lyrics to my song Flying to Patagonia!

Land of giant sloths!!!

And that would be one of the top ten things to ever happen to me- if it were true!

But it ain't!

I wrote them and they're a lot simpler than Heavy Devy's lyrics.

This man is not my lyricist.

The lyrics listed are from Devin's Bastard from Ocean Machine, a very fine album but bugger all to do with me.

Still, should anyone google Fat Little Bastard (my band - scope it [HERE]), it will now forever be linked with this lovely chap's name c/o some slacker Spaniards (Portugese? I donno.).
Makes me wanna say:


There is no insanity - only super-sanity

Sunday, August 27, 2017

International Collage Exhibition & Me

Some of my works are in the International Collage Exhibition & Exchange with some other fine folk in the Percy Thomson Gallery in Stratford, New Zealand. My picture Experiment #2 is featured in the online version at (I’m in Room 3).

Direct link: .

(Alas!, I’m listed as Xtian Xtian - when really I’m just a plain old Xtian.)

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Three David Lynch-ian Moments in the Last Seven Days...

Here's three moments from the past week that would sit nicely in a GOOD David Lynch film - these are all true events.

Day 1.
It was a very windy day, I had to lean into it as it was almost blowing me over. I was on King St, up near the strip joints. As I look up, I see a bright red parka flying above the trees, arms spread, hood extended - looked like an invisible man flying backwards through the air. By the time I got my phone out - it landed in someone's balcony.

Day 2.
As I reach the 4th floor at work, the door opens and there's a young woman.
She looks at me. I wait for her to step aside so I can get out of the lift.
She looks me in the eyes and then she yells out: "This is the fourth floor!"
I say: "Yes. It is."
She just stands there.
So I walk around her, she jumps into the lift and that was that.
I was hoping to bump into her later in the day and ask what floor we were on, but...

Day 3.
An elderly gentleman gets on the tram and sits in front of me. Nice shoes, blue pants, blue blazer, nice shirt with very large cuff-links, hair all slicked back, brown case in lap.
He eventually pulls out a phone and starts talking. I only caught snippets, but -
"... we got some nice shots of the lady with her legs apart, yes... [mumble-mumble]... we got a very nice one with the husband on top... [mumble-mumble]... yes, they're very nice, very colourful, I'll send them to you, they're very colourful, very nice... [mumble-mumble]..."
   My first thought was - "Wow!, a private eye!", but then I thought "Maybe a pornographer?"
   I guess we'll never know - it was my stop.
   And as I get up to leave, I see the man on my right has a purple birthmark, covering half his face...

There are two more working days left of this week, so hopefully, hopefully...

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Godzilla died... :-(

Nakajima-san died today, aged 88...



Fact: if you say "salt anus" while thinking of sultanas, you will most likely think you're saying "sultanas" even though you're clearly saying "salt anus".


Sunday, August 6, 2017

It's tiny!

A recent photo to give you some idea about just how much work goes into some of these collages...

...and where it ended up: 
(untitled - 2017)

Monday, July 31, 2017

Bored at work...

Slightly re-adjusted someone's desktop image....

"You seksi coz I em."


Accidental and most deliberately done collages

This one is an accidental one - dropped a piece onto another piece and liked what I saw:


And in case you're not in the loop - I've been posting all kinds of collages (old and new) on my tumblr: 

Wednesday, July 12, 2017


Hi there!

It has been a year, but The Infinite Collage has been updated with 4.19m worth of new stuff (this taking us to approx 75m/ 246 feet).

It's ridiculous. It almost didn't happen: I managed to lose 2 of the images I made for it, which I didn't realise until it was time for the update. Mat had 6 bits, I only had  four - what the Hell? But luckily I found them, they're now where they should be - and where you should be:

So go there!

This and other fantastic delights await you!

Friday, July 7, 2017

A True Story

True story:
Original Wolfman actor, Lon Chaney Jr. was a baby once. And like all babies, he was a bit useless. One day he fell down in the playground, and his mother wailed: "Fallen! Fallen is Baby Lon! Fallen! Fallen is Baby Lon! "
At that exact moment - Bob Marley was born.

Lon Chaney Jr. - post-baby stage

I can smell this man's beliefs in the apartment below mine...

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Fat Little Bastard 15th Anniversary Podcast

Great Googly Moogly! I make musics - did you know I make musics? Well, not as much as I used to, BUT here's 15 years of my band FAT LITTLE BASTARD squeezed into one podcast by the lovely Mat Blackwell. You will hear psychedelia, pop, rock, metal, electronica, arty stuff, a ditty about David Bowie and a song about poo. FLB is my brain put to music. May get noisy or very funny. Turn it up!!!!

Monday, May 8, 2017

Peripheral Monkey is Watching You

I walked past this piece of advertising - I think it was for spectacles, can't recall. Point being, a part of the poster caught my attention out of the corner of my eye:

I point it out because as I walked past it, I thought "monkey." 
Can you see the monkey?


Peripheral monkey is watching you - ALWAYS.

Bored at Work

I get bored - idle hands become the Devil's paintbrush...

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

New Collages - new style - new website


I have rejigged my dot com, it's now way simpler and sexier and easier to navigate than ever before, so go have a squizz -
[link opens in new tab/ window]

I have added all kinds of collages you may not have seen before, including this new idea I'm exploring called No Additives. The concept there is collages - without anything added to them. I know, right? How do dat work? Well, I use nothing BUT the one image - and only whatever's in that image. Example:

"I woke up like that..."

Hit the website to see more! (I'm also sussing instagram - more soon!)

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Can I Play with Cap'n Beefheart's Commodore 64? a question you should be asking yourself, often.
Allow me to expand on this.

So when I was a kid, I had a Commodore 64. It was THE GREATEST FUCKING THING I EVER OWNED, thanks Dad! (No joke.)

So there was a game there called Hawkeye - you're like a cyborg in your underpants, shooting stuff - how good is that?! Anyhoo, have a listen to the game soundtrack, it's killer. In particular, have a listen to the riff at 10:00. Very nice - catchy! The game, btw, is from 1988.

Now comes Exhibit B: Iron Maiden's Can I play with Madness? Truthfully, I'm not a Maiden fan, they have many great songs, but I can't sit through a whole album - too cheesy. But Madness is a great song - especially that riff... Have a listen.

Yes amigo, that IS Graham Chapman in his last acting assignment!

The song is from 1988. Are we beginning to sniff a pattern here? No? Yes? Don't answer, here comes Exhibit C: Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band with Moody Liz. You will not diss the Captain - EVER.
So behold this ditty, but for the purpose of our adventure, I implore you to fast forward to 3:36 and crank it. Oh and note, this song was recorded 1967 or 68.

This is what living in Heaven sounds like.

Soooooooooooooooooo, fellow cannibals, what have we sniffed out here?

Something about a particular riff if I've done my job well.

Don't think about it too hard because all this is merely the intro(!) to a mash-up masterpiece by... me!
Special guest appearances by Arthur Brown and Zappa. Go on, clicky - it's awesome!

The world needs and deserves this!

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

My research into conspiracy theories...

It's all true. Here's my findings:

Is this the right way up?

Schrodinger's Pants

If I walk down the street with no pants on = BAD.
If I walk down the street with pants on = GOOD.
If I walk down the street with my fly undone = BAD; yet I am wearing pants!
Thus, pants with fly undone is the same as no pants - yet there IS pants.
.: Fly undone is pants and no pants,
Schrodinger's Pants.

It is not important for anyone to understand any of this.

As a sidenote: what would Schrodinger's Cat in Schrodinger's Pants be like?
(It is not important for anyone to understand any of this either.)

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Old and new collages and a self portrait (woah! Mixed!)

Hey friends,

I've been putting up some old stuff on my tumblr - I moved house so I found all these photos and what-have-you, detritus, etc. Scope it HERE.
There's new stuff there too, such as this brand new self portrait:

Chris Isaak would adore this - get in touch, Chris!

This is a rather special piece for two reasons: i) the boring part - most of the blue matches my current hair colour - go figure; and ii) I don't really do self portraits (or portraits of anyone, really). I think all my pix are self portraits, but this one I set out to make and name as such. In fact, it is called


Now go to my tumblr (HERE).

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Friday, February 10, 2017

Let's talk about NOTHING

I am only speaking for myself here, but... I'm pretty sure my artworks mean nothing. No I don't mean they're worthless or that they mean nothing to me, I mean the age old question: "What does it mean?" or "What are you trying to say?" - they simply don't apply.
I'm not trying to say anything, or at least not a thing that is concrete, or a thing that can be explained in just a few spoken or written (or even sung) words.

Dali said something along the lines of "Just because I do not at the time of creation know what my picture is saying does not mean it doesn't mean anything."

But during, before and after - my collages aren't saying anything. They're not supposed to.

The picture is what it is - what is being said is right the fuck there - there are no hidden meanings. It is said via images - not words.
In words - my pictures mean nothing. I am not trying to express anything. I think people (even artists and critics) find it disturbing that someone would go to all that effort to say nothing.
Why do I HAVE TO say anything? What is the Universe saying by making a lump of rock? "Hey everybody, looky my rock! It's expressing quantum mechanics in a state of flux, but in a derisive way is mocking organic chemistry, vegetarians AND carnivores at the same time - that's right, you're Unky Universe is PRO rock-eating bacteria! But not really..."

What is the Universe trying to say?!!

Sorry, got side-tracked there.
I'm not saying I'm the Universe - well actually I am, as are you and everyone else-, but as a creator of images, I have to say I never launch into it with a clear-cut idea of what it will be - like many other artists, I search around until the image is done. It's not me communicating - it's the image telling me what it is. No, not in some stupid "psychic" or "occult" or whatever New Age bollocks sense - but in a "connecting with the unconscious" way. There (in the unconscious), it's pretty much just chaos and existence. It's the Last Words of Dutch Schultz - amazing, but jibberish ( 

So there you have it. My collages say nothing, and I'm proud of that. You savvy?

New Collages (it's what I'm good at, right?)

Hi Friends!

I've been positing (ha!), posting new collages at my tumblr. Well, new pix of old collages you've not seen yet. It's what happens when you move house - you find old cool shit.
Anyhoo - if yer the tumblr type (or even if yr not), get your peepers onto this here URL and it's contents thereof:

where you can find all kinds of gems, like this little beauty here from the Desert Gods series, from back in 2006:

"I boogie, therefore I am."

Friday, January 13, 2017

NEW COMIC!!! Read it now!!!

Hello friends!

Here's part 1 of the adventures of Skeleton Bird - all drawn at my desk at work to keep my hands busy.

Thanks for reading - part 2 when it's ready. Meantime collages coming soon - gotta scan them first.